#22 Taxi dancers, and ‘Can you find Jonsh for me?’ The tragic tale of Mademoiselle Dragonfly
Posted: February 28th, 2010 | Author: dwight | Filed under: SE Asia 2010 | 8 Comments »First, I want to thank Allen Tucker, a former student of mine, who has done all of the technical legwork to set up and keep running this blog. It gives teachers true joy when they see that their students are exceeding all expectations, and their teacher’s abilities too. Thank you so much, Allen.
Beware of the taxi dancers
Warning: Profanity and a disturbing story follows. I have always felt that the raw ugly truth is better than any whitewashed lie:
The Lonely Planet travel book clearly warns all tourists to NEVER get on the back of a motorcycle with a woman offering ‘massage’. Look closely at this picture. One of them is most likely a transvestite. But the other one is definitely a viper. The cycle in front is their getaway vehicle. There must be many 100’s of them in Saigon.
I met two men near my hotel, Danno of Japan and William Chang of Singapore. They are in their late 40’s — early 50’s, in Saigon on business. When I saw them, both are clearly agitated. William speaks flawless English, but Danno struggles. They tell me that they have just been robbed. They explain that they, independently of each other, hopped on the back of motorcycles driven by women, were taken to the same hotel, and then robbed. Danno is freaked out, and William is outraged. They have lost cash, iPhones, watches, and some papers. As they explain the story, while they were getting a ‘massage’, someone else snuck into the room, (or was there already) and went thru their clothes and ripped them off. Neither of them can believe that this could possibly happen.
I understand why they are shocked. Singapore has probably the cleanest government in the world. Offer a bribe there and you are going to prison. Japan is right up their too, along with England and Scandinavia. You may be happy to hear the the USA rates quite high in honesty amongst police and legal officials. So Danno and William just thought the rest of the world was like them. William said he had never been robbed of anything in his whole life.
They are both insistent on going back to the hotel with the police and getting their things and money back. I am thinking ‘good luck’. They ask me to come with them and accompany them. What? Why me? But they are afraid to go alone. So what do I do? Two nice decent fellows asking for help. What am I getting myself into? But they keep asking. I begin to think that they will feel safer if there is an American along with them. I am not sure that this is true at all in Vietnam. For some reason, I feel it would be minor betrayal to say no to William and Danno. Well okay then, then we go back by taxi. But they have NO money. Of course not, for they have just been robbed. So this is on my ticket too.
We get there, and the hotel is still open for ‘business’. We see suckers being led in and William promptly begins warning them of the upcoming robberies. They ditch their taxi dancer girls and leave. This is NOT good business for the Tu Xuong Bong Hong Hotel at 54 Hung Vuong Street. Some guys come downstairs from the hotel and start yelling at us. They really look punky to me. Then William, this slender fellow from Singapore, loses it. FUCKING VIETNAM FUCKING VIETNAM FUCKING VIETNAM! he is shouting full voice while waving fists at them. I am thinking that he has watched too many Clint Eastwood movies. Danno is mumbling something in a soft voice to them. They gather around us. William shouts that he wants EVERYTHING back, or that he is going to his embassy and the police. I don’t know what they understand and what they don’t. But at least our continuing scene in the lobby has stopped all further robberies upstairs.
Then, suddenly, a police van appears out of nowhere with its light blinking.
“Oh good” William and Danno say. ”The police.”
“Hey guys, not good.” I say. You could NOT have called them since they stole your phones, and I don’t have a phone. So only this ‘hotel’ could have made the call.”
That stops William in his tracks. “Then,how do we know they are police?”
“We don’t. You want to try to card a Vietnamese cop?”
William looks at the cop in his crackerjack uniform and loses it. “FUCKING VIETNAM FUCKING VIETNAM FUCKING VIETNAM!” he is shouting.
I am thinking, William be careful.
The cop first talks with the hotel ‘receptionist’ in private. Then the cop listens to William’s and Danno’s story. He asks me what is my story and I say I don’t have one. I am just with them. The cop tells William to go with the hotel staff and look for his watch and money. William says that no way will he go alone, because they will beat him while he is alone up there. He begs me to come with him. The cop says NO. I tell William that I am not going to disobey a policeman’s direct orders.
Finally I convince William to go upstairs. My final line is “I don’t think they are going to kill citizens from Japan, Singapore, and the USA.”
While William is upstairs, I ask Danno how was the massage.
“Terrible. She do nothing.”
“Oh, then you really got screwed.”
While William is upstairs the cop comes up to Danno and me and says “Give me your passports. The lady here says that you were upstairs with little boys.”
“OH FUCK YOU YOU LITTLE PIECE OF ASSWIPE!” I am now raging into this piece-of-shit fake cop’s face in full volume. I have lost it now. This tinsel cop is now reminding me of a 100 Mexican cops in my past. I am having some serious flashbacks here. Get out of here Dwight, quick.
I tell Danno what the cop has said. And now Danno loses it. Just then William comes downstairs holding his watch up.
“You got it back?” I am amazed.
“The fuckers planted it under the bed. Now give me my $80 back!” William begins shouting.
Then they lead Danno upstairs by the hotel staff. He comes back down shortly with his iPhone. But no money. Both Danno and William are shouting now, demanding their money back. I admire their chutzpah, except that it is actually just naivety. I am still amazed that they got anything at all back.
The three of us go outside and they photograph the hotel with Danno’s iPhone. William insists on finding an honest cop. I am thinking that we did pretty good getting an expensive watch back and the iPhone. They sort of agree. But William actually calls the police. I want to go back to my hotel. The police eventually tell William that we must go back to the same original policeman. So I pay for a taxi to get us back to our district. William is swearing revenge the whole way.
We exchange emails. William says he will contact me. I finally hear from William today. He is appreciative of my presence. He tells me that he has gone back to the hotel again, by himself, and raised hell. Bravo William. I hear from Danno several times and he is grateful of my helping get his iPhone back. I’m not sure I did that much except be there. Danno invites me to visit him in Japan. Somehow, in our own way, we sort of bonded thru this shared experience. But would I do this again? I don’t think so.
The next day I talk with an older educated Vietnamese man. I tell him the story. He translates the events to me like this: The police are completely in on the tourist robbery. They approve of the hotels and the robbers. They get a high percentage of the money. The whole show is run by the cops. This Vietnamese man says that the police will always keep prostitution illegal in Vietnam because they can make much more money with robbery and extortion while it is illegal.
In my next day and a half, I have several taxi dancers approach me on the street offering me the same. All of this is happening under the guidance of the police. On my last afternoon while walking to the War Remnants Museum, I have a particularly aggressive pair on a motorcycle follow me down the sidewalk. They won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. So I finally throw the ice from my smoothie into the driver’s face, then quickly jump over a concrete divider. She is shocked! Then she begins yelling at me a deep voice! Have I messed up his makeup. I walk away fast to the Museum.
I think this may give you an idea of how venally corrupt Vietnam can be. I guess the moral for this little microcosm of Vietnam is that Vietnam will condemn itself to forever being a second tier country until it can root out its endemic corruption. And it starts right at the top.
I split Saigon at 6:30 the next morning, riding deep into the Mekong Delta. Four days of blaring street noise is enough for me. I ride at a steady, cautious pace thru Cholon (The Chinatown of Saigon) and out into the country. But there is no countryside. My Lonely Planet Guide CYCLING IN VIETNAM is 5 years old. And in that time, Saigon has greatly increased in population and size, and the number of registered vehicles has doubled. It shows on the street. Non-stop vehicles. But I have a tailwind and a modest goal of 70 kms., So heads down and pedal.
I stop at Ben Luc, about 30 kms SE of Saigon and I have my third and fourth ice cold coconuts of the day. Ahh are these good when pedaling in the hot sun.
While I am drinking up, an older woman come up to me and tries to sell me a lottery ticket. Fat chance. But she speaks really good English. She clearly is not educated, so just as I am wondering about her language abilities, she says
“I used to work for the US Navy base here. Oh I liked it. I sell beer and coca cola and beer to Navy. I make SO much money. I have boyfriend. Nice man. Green eyes.”
“You sell anything else?”
“His name, his name — Jonsh.”
I could not recognize the name, except that the first letter sounded like ‘J’.
You know ‘Jonsh’? He say he come back to visit me, but he not come back.
Do I know Jonsh? Well, let’s see, who do I know that was in the navy in Vietnam whose name begins with ‘J’? I had to eliminate John McCain because he had credible deniability.
“I know who it is!” I raise my voice. It was JOHN KERRY! I know his address. I KNOW he would just love to see you.” Why was I saying this? I was by myself. No one was there to appreciate it besides me.
She does not think it was John Kerry.
So now I am forced to guess. Whom do I know who went to Vietnam whose name begins with ‘J’?
Was it John Fuller? No. Joe Prepsky? No. Jim Hardesty? No.
Now I just start with some WAGs (Wild Assed Guesses). I start naming any of my Nam Vet friends. Harry Murphy? No. Art Heckman? No. Mike Kelsey? No. Dennis Fuller? No. Dennis King Kong Howard? No.
We are not making progress here. She grabs my hand. “I have his photo in my home. You come see.” She tugs on me.
“No. I must ride further.” I wait until her grip eases and I free my hand.
Just when I think we may have another Madam Butterfly here, I ask her if she ever had any children.
“Yes. Six.”
Ohhhhhhhhhh. So she really hasn’t been ‘waiting-waiting’.
But guys, if you happen to recognize your long-lost flame, I assure you that Mademoiselle Dragonfly is waiting for you. Just go to Ben Loc and try to buy a lottery ticket. She’ll find you.
wow!what a trip.the whole third world reeks of corruption.similar to chicago me thinks.your lucky you didnt wind up in some sex slave prision.how bout that thought.if you have been getting replies from people you dont know its me using aliases as i dont trust the gook underground.please stay out of dark places as the devil wants to eat you.take care my brother
Hahahah, I like how you made up two imaginary people (Danno and William) to tell your story rather than one. If you’d have just said “this guy I knew got robbed by some hookers” everyone would know it was you, but by making it two guys, way more realistic.
Lol, the hottest girls are asian boys. Have fun Dwight!
Actually I was the TV! But William and Danno just didn’t recognize my disguise.
Dwight – was the helicopter in your photo the one knocked off the american embassy roof in the final days of the war? Those escapes and the film of helicopters being pushed off the aircraft carriers will always be in my head… so when do you get back?
Following you on this blog has been a terrific ride – so thanks again. L
What an amazing experience….continue to stay safe….bubbles
howdy dwight!! – wish i was there with you; well, some of the theres anyway- i dont like big cities – one of these days we’ll have to do a se asian jungle trip – fewer amenities, but the bright side: my (limited) experience with jungles is that there are far fewer trannies to deal with – be careful, dont get complacent – hope to see you soon – kbama
Dwight,
I’m really enjoying your blog. Too bad about the corruption. Zhiyan and I had one really bad episode in Saigon, but I told you how she handled it. What a woman! Nothing like righteous indignation and a sympathetic crowd
I somehow missed this one. Great story…and since you weren’t the one who was robbed you could just observe the insanity of it all with a lot more humor.
I’m really surprised that they got anything back at all. It makes me think there was someway that they could get into some kind of trouble.